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| The battle of head versus heart is excruciating. Which is the right one to follow? My head which is trying to protect my heart? Or my heart, my heart that is falling hopelessly..leading me into a dead end..walking me head first into a brick wall? I wish I could say my vision is blurry - that I`m blinded, but I can see so clearly it scares me. I see the part of me that just can`t walk the other way, that can`t tear my eyes off of him or keep myself from trembling when he looks directly at me - when he makes me feel like I`m the only person in a room...
♥
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| What else can i say, i'm in love with someone that doesn't love me back. I can keep holding on to something that isnt there, or i can move on. Either way, its going to hurt. I'm bitter. The sad thing is that he probably doesn't know Im hurting this much.
♥
 
I'm not a jealous person. It's just that whenever any girl gives you a second look, it kills me to think that you might give them a chance to get to know just how amazing you are.
Sometimes I wish he would
just walk right up to me and
kiss me without a care in the world
People don’t keep journals for themselves. They keep them for other people, like a secret they don’t want to tell, but they want everyone to know.
It's the waiting that's hard
and not knowing whether you're waiting for anything at all
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| Just got home from studying with my friends. Our Integ final is tomorrow, so wish us luck =] So the past weekend i didnt have clinicals so on Sunday, we went to the temple and then to Thai Town. It was a lot of fun. Now that im older, i really enjoy going to the temple. it feels like everything will work out the way its supposed to. I havnt heard from him for about a week now. I dunno if i should talk to him or not. I dont want him to feel like im trying to invade his personal life or anything. I want him to have the space he needs to analyze everything in his life. I do miss talking to him though. As for my other person, well, i know he's busy so i dont want to bother him. I'll see him next week. His birthday is coming up. I dont know what to get him.
The weather is starting to change, spring is here, and its getting warmer. I didnt remember it to be this warm last year. Global Warming....
well there really isnt much going on in my life right now. Im just letting things be. I pray that it goes the way i want it to, but i'm going to leave it up to fate.
♥
Please, don't flirt with me
and make me feel special
unless you really mean it.
I'm so sick of that, "Let's flirt,
but we're just friends and that's
all we're ever going to be," bull
To all the girls who've had their heart broken;
don't stop loving -- don't think for even one
second that you won't find something better.
&& most of all don't ever be afraid to fall again.
I just want to be
the girl he gives his hoodie to,the one he cuddles up next to
when its cold.. I want him to
come up behind me and wrap
his arms around my waist and
whisper, "you look beautiful”
before i met you, i never knew what
it was like to be able to look at someone
&& smile for no reason. I bet everyone else can look into your eyes
a million times & never see what I see in you.
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| Just got home from school. 6 hours of lecture.. i dont think ill ever get used to it. I passed my 2nd integ test! Super happy, considering i didnt really study. I just have the final next week, then we'll be in mental health (which i cant wait for!) This week is going by really well. School is done for the week, well minus review on Thursday, but thats not a big deal, and NO clinicals this weekend. I'm a happy, happy person! Its definitely a well needed a break =]
♥
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| I've never really been in a real relationship. Hook ups, flings or just going out with someone that i like and finding out that they're more of a friend than a boyfriend. I believe love to be something precious. Its not something you would throw around. People can get hurt, people will get hurt. I have been hurt. I feel so confused right now with my heart. Theres one person that i love so much, but is so wrong for me, and theres this other person that i can possibly have deep feelings for, and is good for me.
I've been in love once. This person is so special to me, when he walked out of my life, my heart broke in to a million pieces. Over time, the pieces slowly found their way back together, but there is always going to be a piece missing. Its the piece that i gave to him, its the only one i will never get back. Its been five years and this person came back into my life. I dont know how, or why, but he's in my life again. I cant begin to tell you how happy i am. It was like, i was waiting for him all this time. Everyone thinks that he is not the right person for me. But to me, he is. He makes me happy, i dont know how to explain it, but when im with him, it feels like nothing in the world can hurt me, he makes me feel safe. My family wants me to stay away from him, they said that he doesnt deserve someone like me, and that i can do so much better. But honestly, I dont want to do better. I know that sounds stupid, but he's my idea of perfection. I dont know what to do. part of me want to just tell everyone to mind their own business, that this is my life, and they dont have a say in who i want to be with. But another part of me knows that they mean well. I know why they think he isnt right for me. I feel torn. I dont know what to do.
This other person is like one of my best guy friends. he kind of looks out for me. He teases me and makes me laugh. I never, in a million years would have liked this person more than a friend, but my emotions got the best of me, and now i care about this person a lot. All of our mutual friends think that we should get together, my family gets along with him and vice versa. I feel good when im with him. I feel like he takes care of me. its so hard because i cant seem to read him. I dont know how he feels about me, part of me thinks he feels the same way about me, that i do about him, but other times i dont know. its like we're better off as friends.
Love is complicated. I dont know what to do. its so confusing. I dont want to get hurt again. Ive been hurt so many times and i dont know if i can handle it again.
♥
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